


for the act of getting

by PlunnyBait13



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F/M, Genderbending, Self-Indulgent, my classmates are the reason this exists rn okay, so look i can explain, this is also very
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-07 07:14:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15903462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlunnyBait13/pseuds/PlunnyBait13
Summary: Somewhat related/sequel to "for the act of wanting"My classmates wanted a happy ending. Not sure if I can deliver, since this was made on a whim, but I'll try my best.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> MY FUCKING CLASSMATE'S REACTIONS TO THIS GIVE ME LIFE, GOD THE IDEAS THAT POPPED IN MY BRAIN WHEN YOU GUYS SAID "YOU COULDN'T ACCEPT THIS" HSJKSKSKSJFKDKDK IM THRIVING
> 
> anyway, start off with Jadey, post-fallout, in 1st year college thinking about Evan and how much she hates that she still misses that gotdamn tree fucker

The box hits her sorry excuse of a bed roughly, and she lets herself fall after it. God, her arms hurt like hell. Moving day was a shit ton of work. Her glasses smush against the fabric of the matress and if that wasn't fucking annoying, then she'd eat her Lush bathbombs. She sighed. The curse of terrible eyesight, really.

"First year of college," she says idly to the empty room. "First year without..."

Jadey sits up from her bed, takes off her glasses and tries to blink away tears. "Whatever. I- I don't," she grips the frames tight. "I'll survive on my own. I'm the Insanely Cool Jadey Kleinman. This is, this is nothing. I'll make friends in no time."

No matter how much she convinced herself, there was one thing that never changed.

She felt terribly alone.

 

* * *

 

(It's been a few months since she last saw Evan.

It's been a few months since they've talked. Months since she last heard his voice.)

Desklight shining on her paper, Jadey rubs her eyes in exhaustion. She sighs and places her pen to the side of the paper she was writing.

Why they couldn't type it down and print it instead was beyond her. Stupid, stuffy old professor with a stick up his ass better get with the times already. She absentmindedly rolled the pen up and down, all the while having her head cradled in her free arm.

"Something you want to say to someone, but can't..." Her hands turn to fists, her mind going back to that place _-to that person-_ she desperately wanted to forget.

(It's been a few months since their fallout and Jadey hates that she still misses him.)

"Stupid, fucking letter writing exercise."

She let the ink in her pen flow, writing whatever came to mind. It didn't really matter what she wrote anyway.

The words she wrote didn't register in her mind. How her grip on the pen beca _me tighter and tighter, how her body tensed up while writing, how hard she was gnashing her teeth while she wrote._

_She completely, utterly spaced out._

(Their heated words were burned into her mind. Traded blows that cut deep into her heart. She didn't think Evan had it in him to call her out like that.

"Maybe the reason you talk to me, _Jadey-_ " Evan had always been taller than her but this was the first time he put it to good use and it hurt how he says her name like it was poison on his tongue. "-is because you don't have any other friends!"

This is what she wanted. This is why she spent all those years distancing herself from him. He deserves better than someone like her, deserves the right to be happy more than she ever will. All she would ever do was bring him down.

She's tried so hard for Evan to hate her, so why? _Why did her heart hurt so much-?)_

Her vision suddenly got blurry. But she was wearing her glasses-?

It took her a moment to realize that she was crying and a minute to notice that her paper was getting wet and that _fuck, fuck, fuck, the ink was getting smudged, no-!_

 _"Shit!"_ she cried, slamming her fists onto the table top and the paper crinkling harshly underneath. _"Shit, shit, shit, shit-!"_

She hated this fucking assignment so fucking much.

"Fuck," she whispered, body beginning to succumb to the lulling calls of sleep.

One final tear slid down her cheek before she decided to call it a night. A single writing exercise wouldn't destroy her grades, right?

Right...

(The lonesome tear rolled down her chin and hit the paper gently. If Jadey had given care to notice, she would've seen the salty liquid blur the words she had always longed to tell him.

 _'I love you, Evan.'_ )


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan makes an appearance and Jadey is fucked (no not literally you perverted fuckers)

The chime of the bell alerted her to the entrance of a customer. Like usual, she greeted them with a smile and didn't look them in the eye. This little part-time job she took was not the best but it wasn't the worst either, plus it gave her the money she needed to put food on her table. What more could she ask for?

She usually resisted the urge to snark at the customer's orders but somehow the words just slipped from her tongue.

"What, you like a hipster or some-"

Jadey froze.

"-thing..."

From under the brim of her hat, her eyes flitted the room, looking anywhere but Ev- looking everywhere except the customer's eyes.

Silently praying that he wouldn't recognize her.

"Well, um, I guess I am-? I don't really know but uh-" His stutter was still there but he wasn't hunched over as much and he wasn't twiddling his thumbs now. Maybe if she wasn't actively avoiding his gaze, he would have held eye contact.

He ran his hand through his hair, a light blush on his face. Guess that nervous tick of his was still there. "I mean, I'm not a hipster. Yeah, I don't think I count? Maybe."

_Wait what the fuck?_

Did he seriously not recognize her?

Sure, she was wearing contacts... And she's been growing her hair out for a while now (haircuts were fucking expensive for fuck's sake she wasn't wasting her food money for that), Jadey wondered if E-... if he remembered what she looked like with long hair because she sure as hell didn't.

"That'll be..." She inputted the amount in the register, looking at the sum and told him as such. He gave her the exact amount and she smiled in her head. He hasn't changed at all.

Once his order was done, she gave him a customary "Thank you, come again!" with a smile that she hasn't done in years.

"Yeah, I'll be sure to," he said, eyes crinkling in that way that made her knees tremble, waved goodbye, and left the shop.

Her face felt warm as his words replayed in her mind. _D-did he just, was he-?_ She clasped her burning red cheeks and tried to stop herself from squealing. Sure the shop was empty but fuck, her dignity would shatter if people saw her like this.

Looks like her feelings for him still lingered despite everything.

_God, she was so fucked._


End file.
